Do you want to do all the things that you dream of, without worrying about the judgment of others?
Do you find that you often worry about hurting or disappointing others, and being a bit of a people pleaser?
Maybe you are already on the path to doing things for yourself, BUT you still let your fear of judgment hold you back. Does this sound like you at all?
I have been guilty of also letting the fear of judgment control me for most of my life. Yes, not just with my family, but with other people as well.
I used to be a people pleaser, and I still catch myself doing it sometimes.
Heck, I’ve struggled to leave jobs and relationships that I knew no longer served me, because I was afraid of letting others down. But what I realized was that the only person I was disappointing in the end was myself.
Starting this blog was a big deal for me. I’m here to admit that I held onto this fear for as long as I could remember. I made excuses constantly for not wanting to start this blog. And I wanted to start this community almost 5 years ago! Yep, you read that right. I was afraid of judgment and what my friends would think of me.
But thankfully I did not start the blog back then. Because all of the knowledge and wisdom I have gained in the last 6 years on my solo travels and adventures around the world, have all led me to this moment: To create a community that inspires and helps others. My aim is to help women who are afraid to be themselves, to travel solo and go against the grain. I want to help women who are afraid to do something completely crazy: like buy a 40L backpack, a one-way ticket and never look back!
If I started my blog 5 years ago, I probably would have blogged to you about some random things that 1000s of other travel bloggers already do. But I wanted this to be different. I want to inspire and encourage women to have the confidence to travel solo, go against the grain and to also learn and grow in the process. You will hear me talk about vulnerability a lot. Because well, that is one of my core messages for this community.
Traveling solo has changed me. It has opened me up to become even more open and vulnerable with myself and the people that I met on my journey for the last few years.
I now live my life with this kind of philosophy. I’m open to getting to know everyone and listening to their unique stories, and I hope that others would be open to doing the same.
I know that there are many women out there who struggle with going after what they truly want. Your biggest fear right now could be about big changes you are thinking about making in your life, but the core of your fears is that you care what other people will think about you. You are guilty of being a people pleaser at times.
Yep, it’s a hard truth pill to swallow.
For as many years as I could remember, I always cared about judgment. Growing up I cared about being judged for what I said, the clothes I wore, the friends I hung out with, what I ate for lunch, and the list just goes on and on.
Even though I always seemed to do what I wanted in the end, the weight of other people’s opinions always weighed me down. This weight filled my backpack, and felt like I was carrying heavy boulders into my adulthood. Caring what my family said had already filled up half the weight of the carry on allowance. But caring what friends, coworkers, and strangers that I met thought of me, made the other half simply overflow.
Have you ever gone to the airport and had your checked bag be overweight, so you frantically started unpacking it, and trying to stuff half the things into your carry on?
Or maybe you decided to wear 3 sweaters?
I’ve done that more times than I can count on my hand. I’ve been responsible for voluntarily putting that weight onto myself. And not just with the clothes in my bag. But with the weight of judgments from others that I’ve gathered up in my own mind.
How many of you have this amazing dream of changing careers and changing continents?
But, your dreams are put on hold because you are afraid of what others will think of you?
Oh, she’s just bouncing back and forth between jobs again… She will never be taken seriously as a professional
She hasn’t had a boyfriend in months or years, or has had so many different ones. Is she ever going to get serious, settle down & get married?
She wants to move cities or countries again? Is she just not satisfied with staying in one place? What’s wrong with her current friends? Does she just not have any?
She clearly can’t make up her mind about anything in life. What is wrong with her?
Have you ever had any of these thoughts about yourself?
Do you think people might think these things about you if you decided to do something different with your life?
I’ve been guilty of thinking all of these things. Yes, and until recently I decided it was time to let go of all of those judgments and only focus on what I thought about myself. Yes, self-love. We’ve all heard about it.
But can you really claim to practice self-love, if you constantly have these kinds of hurtful thoughts about yourself?
The truth is, we will never really know what people think about us. Our mind is extremely capable of conjuring up scenarios and ideas of what others may think about us. These judgments that we form about ourselves only serve to cloud our own minds and actions. Remember that you are the one in control of your mind. You are in control of your thoughts. You are in control of those limiting beliefs that you place on yourself.
Here are some ways to STOP Fearing Judgement & Being a People Pleaser:
1) Journal Activity # 1 : Write about what it is that you truly want and ask yourself what will make you happy. Let all the truth come out.
2) Journal Activity # 2: Write about why you fear judgement and get deep into why you want to please others, while sacrificing your happiness in the process. This will help you uncover the limiting beliefs you place on yourself.
3) Meditate: This allows to calm your nervous system and clear your mind so that you are aware of what you want to do. I also like to do a breathing exercise when I have to make big life decisions. I ask myself if this change I will be making makes me feels expansive (good) or contractive (bad). Your gut and nervous system will provide you with the right answer.
4) Start doing things alone that make you happy like: going hiking, going to the gym, doing activities you like.
5) Stop asking every person in your life for advice if you are thinking of making a big change. There will always be people who question you and think it may not be a good idea. It’s better not to have other’s opinions clutter your mind.
So you want to quit your 9-5, pack up your life, and start a new life in ____. But you’re afraid of what Sally will think of you. Who freaking cares?! I mean, you do right? Is Sally’s opinion actually going to matter in the long run? No, it’s not.
What matters is that you do what truly makes you happy. Don’t worry about what others will think about you along the way. Yes, they may make some of the comments that make you question yourself. But ultimately, you will be the one living with your happiness. You will be the one opening up yourself to new experiences, environments, and encounters.
You have no idea what is on the other side. They say the grass isn’t always greener. But trust me, if you have a deep burning desire to see the other side of the world. I can assure you that it may not always be greener or “easier”, but it will be worth it.
Because you will be opening up yourself to a whole new perspective, a whole new way of life. You will become the true person that you are meant to be.
And trust me, letting go of the fear of judgment will get easier and easier as you grow. It will get easier as you accept yourself and slowly watch how natural it becomes to ignore the people who are not letting you grow.
So quit people pleasing, and do what feels right for you. Go with your gut, listen to your inner voice & tune out the rest of the noise.
You got this. You are responsible for your thoughts and your actions. So get out there and start thinking about what will truly make you happy. It won’t be easy to start. But you have to come face-to-face with your fears. Only then can you learn to overcome them.
Thanks for reading,
July 9, 2020